Tuesday, January 17, 2006

TO: GOD: FROM: the dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually
not a good thing.

And, finally, My last two questions . .

Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Monday, January 09, 2006

Our New Year's Promise

Himself, the three fur babies and I have joined the millions of others out there who have promised to loose weight and get into better shape this year. We, himself and I, have made this resolution before so what's the difference this time? I have truly pondered this over the past few days ... . And, the difference this year is our committement to live a loving and healthy life -- a long life, together. Himself had a health scare this past fall, and it made us realize that our 25 years together (almost 26 years now) is not nearly enough time. We want more time, simple as that.

After that revelation we also noticed that the fur crew was completely out of shape as well. So, we, as the responsible and loving parents that we are, have made the promise for them too!! Just when we wanted to get started, wouldn't you know that we all came down with some form of a cold/flu bug. It has been great on the weight loss as we have not wanted to eat, but on the exercise front, well, there was no energy to be physically active.

But today is a new day and the beginning of our promise. That's for all of us. Yesterday the crew spent a great deal of time outside. They then spent the entire evening in one position on their doggy bed sleeping. It's so hard to believe that the three of them are so badly out of shape that an afternoon of fresh air and frolicking could be so waring on them. It's back to daily activity for them!!

And as for we humans, Himself has planned out our exercise routine for each evening. We'll see if I can even move after a couple of days or if I'm so warn out that I too just lie down and refuse to move for hours upon hours. I guess I'll just keep thinking about our trip to Vegas in May as a motivator for being in better shape - can't go to Vegas all frompy and fat!!